I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
