FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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