Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
