dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
