There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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