How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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