you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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