So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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