mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
