you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
