her vagine was all disorganized.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
