i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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