i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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