I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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