Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
