if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
