He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
