He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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