is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
