I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
