What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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