he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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