the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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