Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
