remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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