He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
