He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
