physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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