I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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