It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
