This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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