My first STD was from a foam party
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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