no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
