Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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