don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
