He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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