While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
