is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
