i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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