so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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