Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
