my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize