i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
