just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
