why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
