Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
