haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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