Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
