I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
