i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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