I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
