listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
