You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
