i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
