Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
