Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
