I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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