I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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