All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
