Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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