Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
