okay pat passed out under dana's car
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
