my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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