at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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