Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
