He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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