Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize