Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
