Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
