Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
