I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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